Why Teen Girls Strive to be Popular? 

by | May 7, 2024 | Teenagers | 0 comments

When you are a teen girl, popularity matters… a lot. Teen girls derive a great deal of self-worth from their friends. Because the teen years are a time of huge transition and change, girls rely on their friends for validation, acceptance, and camaraderie.  Thus, being “popular” takes on a high degree of importance.  In fact, many teen girls believe being popular equals being happy.


As a parent, you might feel anxious, or even angry, if your daughter is not part of a group, if she is left out, stays home on Saturday night, or complains that she doesn’t have any friends. Your parental instinct may drive you to do something. But what? Gone are the days when you scheduled playdates. Your role as parent-as-administrator is behind you, and your new role is that of parent-coach, guiding and supporting your daughter to navigate her social world.


Start here:


Build your teen daughter’s self-worth

Teen girl seeks popularity because they want a stamp of approval from their peers.  They perceive that being popular will also create a sense of worthiness. Building your daughter’s self-worth minimizes the likelihood she will seek outside factors for validation.  To begin, start highlighting her strengths. This might include a particular attitude like passion, positivity, or open-mindedness.  It may also be a certain skill like problem-solving, creativity, or empathy.  Encourage her to practice daily affirmations that will help her connect with her strengths and promote a positive belief in herself.  Always provide unconditional love and support. 


Explore popularity and genuine friendships

Shed light on the misconception that being popular means being happy. Talk about how healthy popularity grows out of kindness and authenticity, and unhealthy popularity stems from a drive for status and attention.  Challenge your daughter to consider the problems with unhealthy popularity.  Very often being popular requires teen girls to behave in a certain way, rather than exploring and sharing their authentic selves. Maintaining a popular status can lead to stress and anxiety.


Schedule Your Free Discovery Call


Explore the meaning of friendships.  Ask your daughter: 


  • What does it mean to be a friend? 
  • What do you value in a friendship?   
  • What are the qualities of a true friend? 


Conversations such as these will help broaden your daughter’s perspective and understanding of popularity and genuine friendship.


Focus on kindness

Help your daughter understand that popularity can develop out of genuine kindness and authenticity or a desire for status and attention. By focusing on treating people with kindness and showing up as her true self, you’re encouraging healthy connections. The most effective way to do this is by modeling how you show up authentically and extend kindness to others.  Praise her when she does the same.


Acknowledge her feelings

Whether she is striving to fit in with the popular crowd, feeling left out, or somewhere in between, her feelings are real. Let her know it is OK to feel disappointment, sadness, anger, or loneliness. Try not to dismiss the issues she might be having in her social life. Instead, acknowledge the fact that her social life is an important part of her world.  If she needs space, provide it but always be available and ready to listen when she is ready to talk. When she’s ready to talk, ask her open-ended questions that help her uncover solutions and the best next steps. 


  • What do you really want? 
  • What choices do you have? 
  • What actions do you feel comfortable taking? 
  • What support will you need? 


In doing so, you will demonstrate your understanding, encourage her social problem-solving skills, and ultimately help her feel less alone.


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