The relationship you have with your teenage daughter is fundamental to her growth. Through her daily interactions with you, she learns who she is and how to thrive as an adult. 

However, as any parent of a teen knows, it’s not always easy to maintain a close, calm, relationship. Teens can be moody, rebellious, disrespectful, and angsty.  Most of these undesirable qualities are unintentional. They are the side effects of the physical and cognitive changes taking place during adolescence.  While her hormones are fluctuating and her brain is developing, your daughter is also experiencing huge shifts in her outside world. Friendships, academics, freedom, and independence all take on a new level of importance.

Preparing your teen for adulthood

Adolescence marks a stage of transformation and it is also the stage during which your parenting must adjust to meet your daughter’s changing needs.  As she transitions to adulthood, your support is critical.  

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So, what changes should you make? 

There is no one-size-fits-all answer, but a great place to start is with reflection.  Take a moment to pause and consider how you’ve been showing up for your teen.  Think about what is going on for her and what she needs as she lets go of childhood and steps into independence.  Then, use these questions to explore further. 

Developing your teen’s self-confidence and decision-making abilities

• How do you honor your teen’s inner qualities?  
• How do you show her that you trust and respect her decisions?  
• In what ways do you show her you value her ideas, feelings, and judgments?  
• How can you collaborate with her and involve her in decisions? 

As your teen transitions to adulthood and prepares to leave the home, she will need a set of life skills to support her independence and take charge of her life.  A few of these skills include resilience, decision-making, and responsibility.  

• How do you help your teen learn from mistakes or setbacks? 
• When do you guide her to solve problems on her own and when do you step in to solve for her? 
• What responsibilities can you share with /her?

Teens need to develop an understanding of how to interact and contribute to the world around them. This not only supports their self-esteem during adolescence but it contributes to the development of healthy independence. 

• Where can you let your teen take the lead in her life? 
• What opportunities can you provide for /her to contribute to family decisions, serve her community, or get involved with issues that matter to her? 
• What rules/boundaries can you involve her in creating?

The answers to these questions will illuminate shifts you can make that will help your daughter develop self-awareness, strengthen her skills and abilities to take charge of her life and understand that how she shows up in the world matters.