A heartbreak

A bad grade

A skin breakout

Being left out

Being the subject of rumors

These are just a few experiences that can trigger your teen to start overthinking. 

Overthinking results in being caught in a loop of negative thoughts.  It can be distracting at best and devastating at worst.  When teen girls overthink, they will typically focus on critical, negative beliefs about themselves, other people or their future.  The most common thoughts that circle in their minds include: 

I’m so ugly.  

Something’s wrong with me.

No one likes me. 

Everyone thinks I’m awkward.

School is always going to be hard for me.

My grades will never improve. 

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When ruminating on such negative beliefs, teens start feeling sullen and gloomy.  And, their actions will soon follow.  Many of the teen girls I coach describe overthinking as the main reason they lose motivation to engage with family, friends, and school.  And, they describe how hard it is to “shut off their brain.”  

When we focus on how to handle overthinking, they find relief and gain the ability to refocus.   

Notice I wrote, handle overthinking not stop overthinking, because it’s actually quite normal to overthink!  In fact, the brain is designed to constantly think, imagine, and problem-solve. This is important for girls to understand because they can easily assume something is wrong with them when they can’t stop the negative thoughts.  In their coaching sessions, they learn that the point is not to “shut off their brain” but to learn how to shift from unhelpful to helpful overthinking. They start to understand they can choose the thoughts they focus on, and overthink. 

The process I use in my teen coaching sessions can also be used at home or as a guide for conversations that steer your daughter away from negative thinking and toward empowered thinking and action. 

To redirect your daughter’s negative thinking, have her try this, and be ready to listen with an open mind. 

1.Set up a page with three columns and label each column: 

• Worst Case Scenarios
• Probable Outcomes
• Best Case Scenarios

2. Think of all the worst-case, probable, and best-case outcomes.  Write as many possibilities as you can.  

3. Ask yourself, how likely are the worst-case scenarios? (Most of the time, they are highly unlikely.)  

4. Use the list to get focused on the positive possibilities, or the best-case outcomes.

5. Choose one or two outcomes that are most ideal.  

6. Consider, what action I can take that will move me toward the best-case scenario.  What support will I need? When will I take this action?

7. Act! 

When it comes to stopping the cycle of overthinking, many girls have been told to “just think of something positive.”  Sometimes this can help, but most of the time, the negative thoughts come back stronger and louder.  With the process outlined above, girls have an opportunity to  examine their thoughts and are encouraged to control their thinking by brainstorming possibilities and choosing what to focus on.   With the final “Act!,” they are asked to take an action which brings a sense of control and empowerment. 

If your daughter needs more support in getting out of the tunnel of negative thinking or building her confidence and self-esteem, schedule a free discovery session to learn more about teen life coaching.