For most teen girls, their phone is the center of their social life.  In the summer months, their phone takes on even greater importance when group chats, Snap streaks, Instagram stories and TikToks, replace homework and after school activities.  While staying socially connected is important, a constant digital connection brings a whole new level of social pressure, comparison, and conflict.  

If you notice your daughter is swept up in online social drama or relational aggression* your instinct may be to take away her phone, but that won’t necessarily resolve the drama nor build the social skills and awareness your daughter needs.  Instead, try the following ideas to  help her learn to navigate social drama while building her social confidence and resilience. 

Meet her with Empathy

On the outside, online social drama might seem petty but to your daughter, it can be personal and deeply hurtful. Being excluded from a group chat or discovering an Instagram story of all her friends hanging out while she’s sitting at home, can trigger feelings of rejection, anxiety, and self-doubt.

To help your daughter be receptive to your support, the first step is empathy.  Validate her feelings and experience and show her that you understand. You may say something like:

“I understand why that would upset you. It’s hard when the people you care about seem to have left you out.”
or
“It makes sense that you’re angry.  It really hurts to see your friends having fun without you.”  

When your daughter feels validated and understood, she’s more likely to open up—and she’ll be more open to your guidance.

Schedule Your Free Discovery Call

Suggest Digital Boundaries 

When your daughter experiences stress as a result of online drama or RA (relational aggression), she will likely be more willing to create digital boundaries that protect her wellbeing.  Rather than impose a boundary, ask what changes she can make that will minimize  her stress and steer her away from social drama.   You can offer these suggestions: 

• Mute or leave a toxic group chat
• Take a break from the social platforms that increase her anxiety.  
• Limit how much time she spends scrolling 

These small steps will help her reclaim peace and protect her emotional energy.

Encourage Reflection 

Rather than telling your daughter what to do, guide her to think critically about her social connections and best next steps. You may ask: 

• What’s most important now? What do you want to do next? 

• Is this something that needs a response or would walking away protect your peace, and preserve reputation? 

• What is the truth about you? That is the most important.  HOw can you show that truth to others? 

As she answers, listen with the goal of understanding and guiding her to tap into her best next steps. 

In many cases, she may need to speak up for herself, set a boundary, or lean into a difficult conversation with a friend or group.  Taking respectful, effective action can be hard for girls, and your daughter may need extra support. Life coaching provides your daughter a time out from social drama and an opportunity to evaluate her friendships and social world. At the same time, she learns tools for healthy communication, boundary setting, and resolving conflict.   

With the right support and tools, your daughter will be able to resolve social issues and handle social drama —both on and offline- with confidence and resilience. 

Ready to learn more about the benefits of teen life coaching?  Book a free discovery session!