Boost your teenage daughter’s self-confidence with three practices

by | Jun 17, 2024 | Teenagers | 0 comments

Your teenage daughter’s self-confidence is under attack.  Every day she receives messages that she is not enough and needs to change herself in order to be beautiful, successful, or liked.  If she has a phone (or access to any screen) she is exposed to countless images of model bodies, flawless faces, and a facade of perfection. These messages and images send a confusing message about what it means to be confident. In fact, they fuel a belief that confidence comes from having an ideal life, which includes a perfect appearance, luxury items, and plenty of envious followers.  


There are obvious problems with teenage girls believing self-confidence relates entirely to what is external and temporary.  They need to develop a new, empowering understanding of confidence and practices that support a feeling of genuine, lasting confidence. 


Confidence coaching is a cornerstone of my teen and young adult coaching programs and it is something I frequently address with my parent coaching clients.  Many parents wonder how they can help their daughter feel more confident.  


The first step is to be aware of how you model confidence.  Show your daughter how you cope with your inner critic and deal with situations like comparison, negative self-talk, or setbacks.  Model self-acceptance and self-love so she develops a framework to practice the same. 


Here’s how to boost your teenage daughter’s self-confidence


Know Yourself and Be Yourself


Help your daughter identify her personal strengths and values. Show a genuine interest in her opinion and ask her questions like, How would you describe the best parts of you? (Her personal strengths.) What matters most to you? (Her values.)  How do you reflect those qualities to others?


Talk about thoughts that create feelings of confidence and those that do not. I often ask my teen or young adult clients to tell me about a person they view as confident. Then I ask, what do you think that person is telling herself about herself? 


Remind your daughter she has the power to choose thoughts that make her feel strong and confident. 


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Love Yourself


Too often girls don’t honor and appreciate themselves because they’re afraid of being seen as stuck-up, selfish, or conceited.  They don’t understand that telling themselves they look good, feel good, and have amazing unique gifts are easy and powerful ways to cheer themselves up, make friends, feel happy, secure, confident, focused, and successful!  Help your daughter understand that Self-Love is not SELFISH.  


Ask her, what are three compliments you can give yourself today? 


Get into a habit of complimenting your daughter on her core qualities so you reinforce her strengths and values. 


Stop Comparing


Talk with your daughter about comparison and how to shift negative comparisons.  I like to share this with my teen and young adult clients: 


It is natural to notice differences between yourself and others, but when you put someone on a pedestal for being different, you inadvertently put yourself down. Instead of comparing yourself, try honoring and celebrating your beauty, talents, values, and interests, and appreciate those gifts in others. 


Comparison happens most often on social media, so help your daughter identify when scrolling on social media starts feeling destructive instead of enjoyable.   You may ask her, Is spending so much time on social media helping you or getting in the way of feeling confident? What do you think social media wants you to believe about yourself? Does that help you feel good about yourself? 

Instead of telling her how damaging social media can be, these thought-provoking questions help her discover the negative impact it may be having.  When she makes that connection, she will take the initiative to scale back.  

Be patient as you parent-coach your daughter toward her more confident self.  She may appear to resist some of your well-meaning efforts, but your messages and modeling will sink in.  Don’t be afraid to ask for support.  Through parent coaching, you can learn how to open lines of communication so your messages are welcomed.   Working with a life coach can help your daughter learn more tools and practices that will help her stand firm in her confidence. 



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