In over a decade, I have yet to meet a teenage girl who has not dealt with social stress. This specific kind of stress stems from a variety of social challenges, including: 

• Rejection
• Betrayal
• Friend changes
• Gossip
• Exclusion
• Name-calling
• Social media*

*Comparing likes, comments, and follows,  tracking friends’ whereabouts and feeling left out when not included, rumors or images spreading like wildfire.  

Whether your daughter goes through a minor fight with her bestie or is suddenly ghosted by her entire friend group, social challenges create stress and take a toll on her self-worth, confidence, and future relationships.  

Some of the repeated themes I’ve seen in my coaching practice are:  

Self-blame:  “Something must be wrong with me. They are super nice to everyone else, but give me dirty looks and don’t talk to me at all!” 

Negative beliefs about friendships.  “I’m never going to find my person. I don’t even know why I’m trying!” 

Losing sight of their future goals and all that is going well in their life.  “Nothing really matters anymore. My whole life is ruined!”  

While there are specific ways to parent-coach your daughter through social challenges like rejection, gossip, exclusion, and name-calling,  when it comes to handling the aftermath of social stress, she will benefit from a different approach.  The following self-care strategies are specific for processing and releasing the stress associated with social challenges. 

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Self-Care for Social Stress 

• Reflect 

Help your daughter look back at past challenges, social or otherwise.  Ask her to reflect on how she got through those challenges so she is reminded that she can figure things out.  Help her connect with the strengths and wisdom that developed as a result of going through that challenge. You may need to nudge her by pointing out her strengths and highlighting her wisdom.  

• Journal 

Social stress can lead to intense feelings and journals are an effective place to get everything out.  I’ve met a lot of girls who avoid journaling because they think they don’t know how or they assume they need to journal in a certain way.  The truth is, there are no rules to journaling.  She can write one line, draw a picture, or pour out several pages of thoughts and feelings.  She can handwrite a journal entry, type it on a notes app, or use random pieces of paper.  Help your daughter understand that when it comes to journaling, anything goes. You can also share the Let-it-Go Letter.  This is one of the most helpful coaching tools I use when helping girls overcome social stress. 

• Talk with a life coach

Many girls don’t want to tell their parents about “social drama.” Some fear their parents will judge, some worry they won’t understand, and others are concerned their parents will respond with unwanted advice.  A life coach can provide your daughter with a safe outlet to process her experiences and feelings.  Most importantly, through coaching, your daughter will have an opportunity to turn a painful experience into a growth opportunity.  She’ll gain a set of tools and strategies that help her get unstuck and move forward with confidence. 

• Move 

Any kind of physical movement can release stressful feelings. Whether yoga, walking, playing soccer, or doing ten jumping jacks in the living room, movement releases “feel good” chemicals that improve mood and increase feelings of relaxation. Your daughter might resist this at first,  but don’t give up the gentle encouragement and modeling. 

• Practice self-compassion 

This is one of the most important.  Essentially, practicing self-compassion means treating yourself as you would a best friend.  When your daughter is expressing her self-doubt or blaming herself, ask her, Would you talk to your best friend that way?  What would you tell your best friend if she were going through something like this? If the word “friend” feels triggering, you may also ask, Is talking about yourself that way helping? Is that really true about you? What is a more kind and caring way you can talk to yourself about yourself?