Social anxiety in teen girls is a common but often misunderstood challenge that is having a growing impact. In order to help your daughter cope with feelings of social anxiety, it’s important to understand the differences between social anxiety and social anxiety disorder.  

Social Anxiety in Teen Girls and Social Anxiety Disorder

Social anxiety disorder is a serious mental health condition that is debilitating, long-standing, and present in more than one social situation. It includes excessive worry about being judged by others and physical symptoms like sweating or trembling. It causes girls to avoid social situations altogether or endure them with extreme discomfort.  

Social anxiety is characterized by occasional feelings of fear and worry. When these feelings are present, girls may avoid social situations but with the proper tools and support, they can overcome their anxiety and enjoy social experiences. This type of social anxiety is often a normal, healthy response to new social situations. 

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Whether your daughter has a medical diagnosis of social anxiety disorder or experiences bouts of social anxiety, she needs your support. 

Practical Tips for Parents:

Encourage small steps.

Whether going to a party, talking to a new classmate, or getting involved in conversations with her friends, talk with your daughter about what actions feel relatively easy.  Ask her what she is willing to try.  It may be planning to go to the party for a short time, smiling at a classmate before starting the conversation, or getting into a deeper conversation with just one close friend before engaging with the whole group.  She may express fear of the worst-case scenario, in which case you can help her see that the worst thing that can happen is often unlikely but also surmountable. Affirm that she can do hard things and figure things out.  

Bring attention to her inner dialogue.

Ask her, what is she telling herself about herself or about the situation. Is that reasonable? True? Helpful? These questions should help her see that very often her inner dialogue is coming from fear, not reality.  Then, you can help her focus on thoughts that are true and helpful by asking, What is a more helpful or positive way to think about yourself? The situation? The other people? If she can’t think of more helpful thoughts, offer ideas. 

Create a supportive home environment.

When your daughter shares her fears and worries, validate her feelings and practice listening to understand.  Avoid putting pressure on her to engage in social activities or take action right away.  Most of the time, girls need to have time to process their heavy feelings before considering their next steps.  As she grows calmer, talk with her about what social situations are comfortable and how she likes to connect with people. Identify the small steps she can take and encourage her to go at her own pace. 

Get professional help.

A life coach can help your teen or young adult by providing tools and perspective that minimize negative thoughts and feelings. She will learn how to create fulfilling friendships and positive social experiences.  A medical doctor can assess whether or not she has a diagnosable disorder and can determine if medication is needed.

Supporting your teen or young adult through experiences of social anxiety can be difficult for you too.  When your daughter is suffering it is bound to bring up feelings that can make it hard to provide her calm and balanced guidance.  Practice self-care and reach out for help from a friend or parent coach.  This will help you and set a positive example for your teen.