Finding strong and healthy social connections can be a challenge for a teenage girl.  For reasons she doesn’t understand, your daughter may find herself sitting alone at lunch or on the outskirts of a group she thought were her close friends.  When she comes home from school sulking and expressing how lonely she feels, your heart is bound to ache. When she struggles to make friends, it can be hard not to feel like something is wrong, and her confidence may take a hit.

Friendships play an important role in your teen daughter’s life. She learns much about herself through her friends. She learns who she can depend on for support, validation, encouragement, and fun!  

When your daughter struggles to form close connections, she may start believing something is wrong with her or find herself feeling socially anxious and awkward.  The more she sinks into these negative beliefs, the harder it is for her to take action toward the friendships she really wants. 

During these times, she needs your help to develop hope, optimism, and motivation to create a positive change! 

Hope, optimism, and taking action toward change

Hope and optimism help girls see the silver linings of hardship and find ways to connect with a brighter future. With hope, your daughter will believe in her ability to create change. She will identify the choices she has that can help her build healthy friendships.   With optimism, she will trust that things will work out and that what is happening now is temporary. She will understand herself and how to use her inner strengths to move toward the future she imagines.  Both hope and optimism can be cultivated and strengthened with proper guidance and they are the first step to sparking motivation to take action. 

In my coaching practice, I use several different strategies to help girls develop hope, optimism, and the motivation to take action.  I use the following questions to help guide their awareness away from their loneliness and toward possibilities:   

Schedule Your Free Discovery Call

• What do you really want? 
• How will it feel when you get what you want? 
• What are the best parts of you? (What your daughter identifies is reflective of her inner qualities. (She may need help getting clear on these qualities so you may share what you see are her strengths and values.) 
• How can your inner qualities help you get what you want? For example, if you are a kind, honest person, how does that support a healthy, happy friendship? 
• What are a few small steps you can take to help move you toward what you really want? 

1. Talking with someone in your class. 
2. Inviting someone out. 
3. Smiling at people in the halls. 

• How can you hold yourself accountable for staying consistent with these small steps? Check-ins with your life coach, sharing with your parents, journaling.  

Troubleshooting

When times get tough, or self-doubt kicks in, you can help your daughter identify what she can control or influence and what is out of her control. Remind her to commit to focusing only on what she can control and let go of what she cannot.  

At the same time, when a dark cloud of negativity blows through her mind, shines a positive thought on it by coming back to these questions: What is in your control? What can you let go? How can your inner strengths help you? What are your next best steps? This last question is critical because negative thinking can easily squash optimism and zap your daughter’s motivation.  But when she can envision the best possible outcome, believes she has what it takes to make her goals a reality, and takes mindful action, good things will happen.