For a teenage girl, few things are worse than being abandoned or betrayed by a friend. The emotional toll of girl drama, such as a sudden, unexplained ending of a friendship, becoming the topic of gossip, or being treated unfairly can be devastating.  Feelings of sadness, defeat, or doubt may lead your daughter to question her self-worth and trigger thoughts such as: 

I can’t rely on anyone. 

No one wants to be my friend. 

I’m not good enough. 

Something is wrong with me. 

Girls can’t be trusted. 

These destructive beliefs impact her ability to heal from the hurt and affect her ability to form close, trusting friendships in the future.  They can also easily spread into other parts of her life. When she loses social confidence, she can very easily lose confidence in school, sports, and herself.   

Parents are also saddened when they watch their daughter go through a friend breakup or girl drama.  It’s hard to see your daughter suffer and it can be hard to provide effective support when your own emotions are running high.  Even after you’ve gained a sense of calm and tried to guide your daughter, it may seem like nothing you say helps.  She still feels sad and insecure. 

It is at this point that many parents take a wise step and seek the support of a teen life coach. 

When I coach girls in the area of friendships and social confidence, and especially when I am supporting a teen in moving through friend breakups or girl drama, I help them deepen their friend awareness and build l skills that help them heal and move forward. At home, you can have similar conversations that will support your daughter in regaining confidence and creating and sustaining healthy, fulfilling friendships.

1. Explore different types of friendships. These can include best friends, good friends, acquaintances, etc.  Ask: What are the qualities of each? How are they different? What does she value about each type of friend? 
2. Teach her how to set boundaries and be assertive. Explain that boundaries are an expression of how she feels and what she needs.  Assertiveness means speaking up for herself and expressing her boundaries. Practice stating boundaries and being assertive.  Highlight that assertiveness does not mean aggression or confrontation.  You may want to use this quote to spark a conversation: We teach people how to treat us.
3. Explore the role accountability and forgiveness play in a friendship.  You may ask her, in what situations is it appropriate for her to take responsibility for her actions? Affirm that it’s not always easy to admit mistakes but it is the first step to repairing a rift and strengthening a relationship.  In the same way, forgiveness plays an important role in repairing and rebuilding.  Ask her about her ideas of forgiveness and how she may ask or offer it to others.  

Even if your daughter is not currently involved in a friend challenge, these conversations are important.  Keep the lines of communication open so you can help her develop an understanding of healthy friendships, effective communication, and conflict resolution.