Empathy is a common topic in both parent-teen relationship and teen coaching sessions. With teens, empathy relates mainly to friendships- how to make friends, deal with “friend drama” or create distance from a toxic friend.  With parents, it relates to maintaining a strong bond and respectful communication with their teen.   Ultimately, empathy supports both teens and parents as they navigate the teen years.

In her book The Empathy Effect, Helen Riess describes the importance of empathy.  She writes that empathy is the ability to observe another’s feelings, imagine why they might be feeling that way, and have genuine concern for their well-being. Empathy also includes an ability to recognize our own feelings and separate our feelings from someone else’s. 

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If you want to strengthen your parent-teen relationship and help her develop the skill of empathy, consider how to practice the following qualities of empathy:

1.Open-mindedness. 

In order to understand how another feels, one must replace fixed thinking and assumptions with an open mind. Be willing to see things from another’s perspective, even if it is very different from your own.

2. Imagination. 

This quality goes hand in hand with an open mind.  Empathy requires an ability to imagine what it must be like for another person.  Imagine what it is like to walk in their shoes and see the world through their eyes.

3. Emotional Regulation.

In order to authentically connect with another, learn how to process and set aside your own feelings.  Too often our emotional reactions cloud thinking and make it impossible to see things from a different perspective.  You can’t understand or help a person who is struggling until you have set aside your own emotional reactions. 

One of the greatest gifts we can give and receive is the feeling of being understood. Think about what happens when you feel fully understood.  Imagine what it will be like for your teen when she feels that you fully understand her!  When parents practice empathy with their teens, the message teens receive is, “My parents get it!”  This works wonders for a teen who has previously shut down or rejected their parents’ support.   When teens learn how to practice empathy within their peer relationships, they invite meaningful connections and are able to approach friend challenges with compassion and understanding.